All I ever wanted was to be loved...
But I found out that I really didn't know what it felt like to be loved or how love felt like. I knew how to love, that was easy. I'm a giver. Always have been, always will be. And when I love, I love deeply, unconditionally, loyally and without regard to the sacrifices I may incur while doing what I needed to do to make them happy. So at some point of my maturing age, I finally realized I too would like to have the same for myself. Why not? It seemed to be a logical way of thinking. It would be nice to be treated the same way I treated them! So yes, after a few failed relationships, I wanted to finally be loved.
Then it happened....
Someone loved me for who I was, how I was and would do anything for me as much as I would when I was in love. My first reaction? I ran. I didn't reciprocate and I was beside myself. I didn't know what was going on, what I was doing. Then I stopped. Had to think. I had to be absolutely sure. I had to be sure that those three words were not being tossed around blatantly. I swore I would never utter those words again unless I truly knew that the man would say it first and meant it and that I did too. After awhile, I knew that my prayers were answered but not in the way that I thought. God had given me another giver. And I had to learn to be on the receiving end. To receive graciously and to accept the kind gestures as genuine and not something misleading. Yet still, I ran when I heard those words. I was afraid of living up to his expectations of me and failing him at the end. That I would soon bore him and he would leave. I had a lot to learn about being "loved." But at this point I would never know what love was if I didn't give him the chance to show me. At the same time, I owed it to myself to finally know what love was all about, it's what I had set out to do. To Be loved.
Until this day when he says I love you, I say "I love you more, for loving me."
Since then, the question has become the answer.
I had learned to love and be loved at the same time.
LOVE, so complex, so real, so good, you gotta have it. When you get it, hang on to it.
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